Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
