Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
