I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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