I just pynch a tree in the face
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
