Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
