All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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