My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
