yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
