I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
