i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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