Soap is not a condiment
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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