you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
