if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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