he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
