I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My pussy is not your playground.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
