meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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