my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
