And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
