lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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