She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
