I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
