Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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