Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
