dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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