he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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