I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
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At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
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We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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