Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
FUCK WHALES
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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