I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
