So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
