my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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