Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
