just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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