He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
