Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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