All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
