smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
