i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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