Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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