so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
