So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
