I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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