I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you win again, gameday.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
What a dumb baby whore.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
