I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
