Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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