maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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