you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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