That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
