I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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