She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
