If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
