wrigley field is MILF paradise
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
