He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
