dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
