awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
