Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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