I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
