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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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