I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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