I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
