I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
