So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
