what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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