Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
