So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
