I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
