can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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