"it" just moved
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think my moral compass just broke
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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