She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
