I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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