i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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