What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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