Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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