wakey wakey hands off snakey
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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