i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
