Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
