He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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