shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
