i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
