sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
