I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
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