Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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