i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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