i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
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Hippo gnu deer
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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