Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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