Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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