the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
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