last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
