I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
